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Why I Don’t Support Embarrassing a Child That Does Not “Act Right”


Elementary school pupil being bullied

Many of you have probably seen it this trend that is going around, parents that will dress up in crazy clothes and go sit at their child’s school if they are misbehaving. Parents that will spank their kids and post it on the internet because they were talking to a boy/girl. Parents that will do something humiliating to their child’s appearance because they were being vain etc, etc. Also along with this you will see lots of people who think it’s funny, laughing, commenting sharing and you will see the very few people who stand up and say that’s not ok and get attacked.

But Humiliating them Now Will Stop Them From A Life of Crime and Stupidity Later

The truth is that may be so however doing this can also LEAD to a life of crime and stupidity. The bullying that they receive from their peers is something that can carry with them the rest of their life, I know from experience as someone who still suffers from anxiety from bullying.

Also this kind of disciple can cause resentment and hatred towards the parent and it will be very difficult for you to guide them in the future.

If your boss wanted you to improve on a report he/she asked you to do and his/her response was to post the report all over the office with red exes and notes about everything you did wrong, would that make you more productive at work?

Alternatives to Humiliation

(Assuming that you are not already doing these things)

1. Take some time as a parent to realize that often kids act up for any number of reason that just are not telling you, TALK TO YOUR KIDS.  humiliation is a patch that may work for a little while but will resurface because the original issue was not properly addressed.

2. Get them into counseling if it’s too bad for you to handle on your own

3. Discipline them in private. Put your child over your own selfish need for likes and comments

4. If it is them acting up and school set it up so they can talk to someone who is struggling in life now because they did not pay attention or dropped out of school.

5. If it is them acting up in school have them take an IQ test they may be struggling in school because they are too advanced for what they are being taught 

6. I see dads try to protect their daughters by shamming them on the internet because they are talking to older boys/men, telling the world wide web that your daughter is having an issue with sexuality and is easily swayed by older man is not a good way to handle that issue!!. Showing heightened signs of sexuality at a young age can be because of a much greater issue and should be something that is discussed privately and in great depth.

 All in all instead of taking the way out that does not require you to do better parenting and spend more time with your child, don’t take the easy way out. (Also this is not a message to every parent that takes the humiliation route)

 

References:

 http://www.flyheight.com/videos/mother-whoops-on-daughter-for-doing-the-sleep-challenge/

Kid Shaming: 6 Grownups Who Publicly Humiliated Their Offspring

http://www.stltoday.com/lifestyles/relationships-and-special-occasions/parenting/aisha-sultan/don-t-cheer-when-parents-publicly-humiliate-their-children/article_ca34c676-9a97-53c5-acba-ccf5384f6c1a.html

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Why I took the posts on Jonah down.


I took the post on Jonah down because the point of the post was to shed light on a serious problem which is bullying. I don’t feel comfortable with exploiting his situation even if that was not my original intention. I will continue to make post about bullying and try to raise some awareness as well as support. Please feel free to post your bullying story here. Help is available and I am always willing to be a listening ear.

“I love you, Jesus love you a million times more” this is what my Pastor always says it reigns true here.

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Bullying is a serious problem (What can be done)


pulled from: http://www.sacsheriff.com/crime_prevention/documents/school_safety_06.cfm

Bullies: A Serious Problem for Kids

Bullying behavior may seem rather insignificant compared to kids bringing guns to school and getting involved with drugs. Bullying is often dismissed as part of growing up. But it’s actually an early form of aggressive, violent behavior. Statistics show that one in four children who bully will have a criminal record before the age of 30.

Bullies often cause serious problems that schools, families, and neighbors ignore. Teasing at bus stops, taking another child’s lunch money insults and threats, kicking or shoving — it’s all fair game to a bully Fears and anxieties about bullies can cause some children to avoid school, carry a weapon for protection, or even commit more violent activity

A Word About the Victim

Although anyone can be the target of bullying behavior, the victim is often singled out because of his or her psychological traits more than his or her physical traits. A typical victim is likely to be shy, sensitive, and perhaps anxious or insecure. Some children are picked on for physical reasons such as being overweight or physically small, having a disability, or belonging to a different race or religious faith.

A Word About the Bully

Some bullies are outgoing, aggressive, active, and expressive. They get their way by brute force or openly harassing someone. This type of bully rejects rules and regulations and needs to rebel to achieve a feeling of superiority and security. Other bullies are more reserved and manipulative and may not want to be recognized as harassers or tormentors. They try to control by smooth-talking, saying the “right” thing at the “right” time, and lying. This type of bully gets his or her power discreetly through cunning, manipulation, and deception.

As different as these two types may seem, all bullies have some characteristics in common. They:

  • are concerned with their own pleasure
  • want power over others
  • are willing to use and abuse other people to get what they want
  • feel pain inside, perhaps because of their own shortcomings
  • find it difficult to see things from someone else’s perspective

What You Can Do

  • Listen to children. Encourage children to talk about school, social events, other kids in class, the walk or ride to and from school so you can identify any problems they may be having.
  • Take children’s complaints of bullying seriously. Probing a seemingly minor complaint may uncover more severe grievances. Children are often afraid or ashamed to tell anyone that they have been bullied, so listen to their complaints.
  • Watch for symptoms that children may be bullying victims, such as withdrawal, a drop in grades, torn clothes, or needing extra money or supplies.
  • Tell the school or organization immediately if you think that your children are being bullied. Alerted caregivers can carefully monitor your children’s actions and take steps to ensure your children’s safety.
  • Work with other parents to ensure that the children in your neighborhood are supervised closely on their way to and from school.
  • Don’t bully your children yourself, physically or verbally. Use nonphysical, consistently enforced discipline measures as opposed to ridiculing, yelling at, or ignoring your children when they misbehave.
  • Help children learn the social skills they need to make friends. A confident, resourceful child who has friends is less likely to be bullied or to bully others.
  • Praise children’s kindness toward others. Let children know that kindness is valued.
  • Teach children ways to resolve arguments without violent words or actions. Teach children self-protection skills — how to walk confidently, stay alert to what’s going on around them, and to stand up for themselves verbally.
  • Provide opportunities for children to talk about bullying, perhaps when watching TV together, reading aloud, playing a game, or going to the park or a movie.
  • Recognize that bullies may be acting out feelings of insecurity, anger, or loneliness. If your child is a bully, help get to the root of the problem. Seek out specific strategies you can use at home from a teacher, school counselor, or child psychologist.

pulled from: http://www.sacsheriff.com/crime_prevention/documents/school_safety_06.cfm

“Bullying is a widespread and serious problem that can happen anywhere.  It is not a phase children have to go through, it is not “just messing around”, and it is not something to grow out of.  Bullying can cause serious and lasting harm.”-stopbullying.gov